Wednesday, February 22, 2012

By Myself

Why do I hand my trust
Over to the lust of protection
Needing hands to cover me
Holding me together
Piece by piece
until I see that you don’t
Have what I need
But you are the opposite
Struggling to find
something to pass the time
thinking you’re a safe place
only leaves me in danger
Only one can be the glue
to piece me back
If I allow this to happen
I will be made whole
No longer needing you
or anyone else
Whole together by myself
Holding it together
By myself is all I need
By myself will set me free
By myself is healing

Distraction

Green pastures peacefully
aligning to the nature of
futures aligned and designed
to stay together or split apart
I know that One is never far
no matter what we are
Even if I don’t know truth
when it comes to you
Even if I don’t know intentions
motives or decisions of my future
Blindly believing you plainly
is ignorance in bliss
A cycle of misplaced trust
Love being something that
is only genuine when unselfish
means that you can only Love yourself
Chemistry becoming  infatuation
seeming like something to be
worthwhile, creating  Smiles
while only distracting and destroying
 Qualities of familiar behavior
Kindly leading me to believe
that you care while only
goading me along with your stare
Stirring me with your smile
keeping me here awhile
while I know that there is
somewhere else
I need to be

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Letter To My Past

A letter to my past
Needs to be written
From start to finish
The ink cannot linger
On the page
This letter needs to
Say goodbye
One final time
To life I knew
The life you stole
From inside me
The magic you polluted
With your unjust sins
Will be purified once again
Once this letter is written
Saying goodbye to all the times
You opened my eyes
Then made me cry
To all the times
You sold me your dream
I was an actor in your story
Where you get all the glory
I was a tool for you to use
Submitted to your abuse
While playing my part

This place has always been
Magic to me
A place to come alive
With creativity
A place I could dwell
And feel at peace
And then you came
And brought your disease

I refuse to allow that
Any longer
As I reclaim my life
And reclaim my honor
You can not steal
This place from me
This place that holds
So many dreams
So many memories
So many tears

I will reclaim my life
And everything
I am entitled to
You called this city your own
But I am taking it back

No Apologies

If you think I’ve changed
This is actually me
Staying the same
And winning the game
Never again will I mold myself
Into something I feel is necessary
To keep someone’s love
Striving for false perfection
Everything I now am is
Everything I’ve been
So while you were lost
It was a win
My past is a part of me and
Made me who I am
I have no shame in my memories
Fragile they are not
Success and Mistakes
Are one in the same
Whether they bring happiness or pain
Bitterness loyalty or shame
My history is my strength
The evidence of my weakness
Memories of victimizing myself
Are a reminder of my worth

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Bonding

Sorry for the wait
I wasted good thoughts,
pillaged deep needs and
struck out before I got to run
Run from this tragedy
That has become my world
broken and breaking
while fitting the mold
She counts the cost in green bills
I count in pennies, we fought with
fists, they fought with riddles
Racing wreck less and free
hiding from me
while swerving and ducking
her battles

Lingering

Whispering to you
Letting you remember
Without a touch or a word
But only a memory
One you cannot escape
Because it always preys
Upon you at your weakest moments
Sorry I visit every so often
Just to remind you
Of everything you’ve lost
Letting you feel
While allowing myself to heal
You try to run but
I will not allow it
I have captured you
And will not let go
You need to remember
All that you had
Things that you damaged
Along your path
That path of destruction
That leaves you wondering
If you took the wrong road.

Shattered

I feel safe in your arms and so free from harm yet when I think about all the possibilities it causes me alarm because I've given it all to you and there is no turning back I have made my decision and this is a fact there is no doubt in my mind that I know what I want yet why do I want something that may never come true I guess this is what desire is waiting for you to make up your mind and baby we'll shine baby we'll find our destiny together no matter the weather after this storm nothing can touch us through thick and thin no matter what mess we're in if we come out of this I know we'll make it through anything together now there is no me without you there is no you without me I know that you see this so why are you running why are you holding back half of your heart from me when I know you see all we are made for and all we can be together forever just you and me and nothing else will matter all of our doubts will be shattered with the reality of knowing that I have you and you have me and we will never ever let this go because we both know that we were always meant to be and we will always have each other and look at no other no nothing can break us....